Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
