Need sex. Gaining weight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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