The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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