you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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