I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
