There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
