I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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