fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
