I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
