I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
