I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
