Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
