I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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