Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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