You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
