a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
