I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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