a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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