This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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