he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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