I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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