Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
