i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you win again, gameday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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