Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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