i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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