i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
