bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
