You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
