Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
