Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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