My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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