I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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