I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
