Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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