Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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