woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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