Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
