I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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