Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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