I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
