I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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