Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
