turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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