i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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