I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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