At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think i have herpe
just one?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize