He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
