Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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