as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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