Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
