My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
