maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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