My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
