he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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