I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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