there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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