Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
