UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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