He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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