So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
