Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
