using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
