im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
