I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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