Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
