I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
