we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
why do cheetos always look like penises
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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