Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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