playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
