How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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