FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize