my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
