I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
